PART TWO (If you missed Part One of this "saga" (yesterday's blog post), you can read it here: http://tronworld.blogspot.com/2012/12/the-future-queen-and-i-what-kate-i-have.html ) :
After returning home that evening from the emotionally
exhausting trip to and from Nashville, l fell into bed for a deep sleep. I woke up the very next morning, still
feeling exhausted, but my husband and I had plans to go to a seminar at church. I remember I didn’t feel like eating that morning,
but I drank some orange juice, which I regretted for the next few hours. I had a horrible burning sensation in my
stomach and chest. I had never
experienced heartburn before, but I imagined this was what it would feel like.
By the end of the seminar, I was hungry, yet feeling
nauseated, had “heartburn”, and was extremely tired. I asked James to pull into a drug store and
go grab me some crackers and some anti-acid medication….and then, I had an
epiphany. I said, “And um, would you
pick up a pregnancy test, too?” James
looked at me like I had just grown two heads, and then said, “You know, if you
need those first two items, I don’t really think there’s a need to get the
third!” But, he came back with not just one,
but two tests.
We were both nervous, and couldn’t even talk about the
possibility of what might be happening.
Wasn’t it less than 24 hours ago that I was pulled over in a parking
lot, sobbing and praying about wanting to begin a family? Could it really be?
Even though home was less than a thirty minute drive away,
we were both too anxious to wait another minute. We passed by the road turning off to the home
of some close friends who lived along the way, and decided to make a “pit stop.” They were surprised to see us, but welcomed
us in. I excused myself to their powder
room, and emerged a few minutes later with an incredulous look on my face. James knew immediately what was going on.
It was positive.
No way! This couldn’t
be! Could it? There was no possible way! We had not been “trying” for long,
really. We wanted this, but we weren’t
really ready, were we? I mean, I had not
read even one “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” book, ever!
But it was real! We
confirmed it a few hours later with the second test, and then Monday morning I
scheduled a visit to the OB/Gyn to officially confirm it.
It was really real! I was just barely
four months pregnant for the first time!
Dazed and confused, I pretty much recall this time as a “foggy
time.” I was in a state of bliss and
immediately began reading everything I could get my hands on about pregnancy
and babies. I was so excited! Of course I had to make a couple of trips to
the local “baby superstores” to begin making lists, and buying baby nursery
decorating books! Oh, and I had to start
those pre-natal vitamins, and make sure that I was eating the healthiest of
health foods and walking every single day!
I had gained some weight recently, and was the heaviest I
had ever weighed in my life at that point, so I was concerned about gaining too
much weight. Diabetes runs in my family,
so I was a little anxious that if I gained too much I might be at risk for
gestational diabetes, or have a higher birth weight baby, which I had been
reading was not healthy for the baby and could lead to many health problems for
it later, if not sooner, in life. These
were some of the concerns that were running through my mind that very first
week.
We also had a vacation planned to Hilton Head Island that
week. The plan was that I would be going
down with my parents, my sister, her husband, and two children early in the week, and James
would join us a couple days later after he finished some projects at work. We had delayed going by one day so that I could make the trip to the doctor, but once that was done and we had shared the news with the rest of the family, we were on our way. On the drive down, however, I found myself feeling
extremely sick. We attributed it to some
pregnancy nausea exacerbated by the winding roads on the “shortcuts” my dad
insisted on taking. I had to lie down in
the car the entire way, and once we arrived at the beach, the “motion sickness”
never went away. Oh, and the “heartburn”
persisted, which was painfully annoying.
I tried to walk on the beach some that week. Desperately trying to distract myself from
the nausea, I busied myself by shopping in some of the beautiful baby stores on
the island and making a few purchases of generally useless but irresistible baby
items such as books, outfits, and bibs that cost entirely too much. But, it was my first pregnancy, our first
child. I was determined that everything
would be “practically perfect” in every way.
If only this blasted nausea would go away! We were sure it would. My mamaw, mother, and sister had all
experienced pretty horrific “morning sickness,” but it had subsided within a
few weeks, they assured me.
The trip to Hilton Head was soon over, but the trip home was
even worse than the drive down. A couple
days later at home, I threw up for the first time.
I remember thinking, “Oh no…and so it begins!” I did feel a sense of temporary
relief after throwing up. However, this was extremely
short-lived. The nausea came back with a
vengeance only a few minutes later, and stayed.
The cycle had begun: vomiting, a
few minutes of relief, and then the return of severe nausea, heartburn, and
even dizziness settling in until I finally vomited again. I was throwing up several times a day at this
point, and even during the night. So
much for so-called “morning” sickness!
The sixth week of pregnancy James and I were scheduled to
take a dream vacation to California.
James planned to attend some legal seminars for a few days with some
attorney friends, and I was to accompany them.
We would be staying at some lavish resorts in San Francisco, Carmel, and
all along the coast, and I would get to spend my time shopping, going to spas,
and sight-seeing to my heart’s content.
I had been looking forward to this for such a long time!
However, by the day we were scheduled to leave, we knew that
there was no way I could make this trip.
We knew that my “morning sickness” was something a little out of the
ordinary, but we still thought at this point that we’d find a way to manage it
and it would get better within a few weeks.
However, I was definitely in no condition to make the flight or enjoy
the special vacation we had planned.
James, who had been waiting on me hand and foot, however,
had spent a lot of money on the reservations for this trip and on the legal
seminars he would attend. He also needed
the continuing legal education credits he would earn. So, we decided that he would go without me. I was incredibly sad, but I had my parents,
sister, and some friends who would check in on me from time to time.
James on the dream vacation, without me.
The view from what was to have been "my room" at one of the Cali resorts.
I remember that week was very dark, very lonely, and VERY
scary. I could do nothing but lie in
bed, day and night. I remember I
listened to the soothing sounds of a CD of Pachelbel Canon in D with ocean and
seagull sounds mixed in, over and over and over. It was almost hypnotic, and it helped me to
relax a little as it lulled me in and out of a very restless sleep. I kind of remember people coming in and out
of the house to check on me from time to time that week, bringing me drinks and
food which I could not keep down. I
remember praying for my baby, begging God to please protect my child even though
I was sorely inadequate and apparently too “defective” to do so myself. I remember alternating between feelings of
hope and hopelessness, guilt and anger, confusion and depression. And I remember continuously drifting in and
out of semi-consciousness. It was like a
fog, some kind of crazy dream – but the dream was becoming a nightmare.
When James returned home, he was distraught to find me so
sick. It was obvious to him how much my
condition had deteriorated after being gone a week, and I could see in his eyes
how worried he truly was. At this point,
I was losing weight rapidly, and I couldn’t keep anything down, even
water. Well-meaning people kept advising
me to “eat crackers” and “drink ginger ale” and trust me, I had tried
everything. But nothing, absolutely
nothing, would stay down. We were
beginning to become really concerned about the baby’s development and how it might
be affected due to my inability to provide adequate nutrition.
A few days later, the beginning of week seven of the
pregnancy, James came home from work to find me talking out of my head. I couldn’t speak well, and when I did nothing
coming out of my mouth was making sense.
I was wild-eyed, freezing, twisting my hair into knots, and scratching
my skin to pieces. Something was wrong,
horribly wrong.
James called the doctor and was told to immediately bring me
to his office. Once the doctor saw me, he
admitted me to the hospital immediately.
I was almost completely dehydrated.
I had nothing in me, and had lost 26 pounds since they had seen me less
than two weeks before. Before I could
even realize what was going on, they began pumping fluid into my veins
intravenously and trying to get my blood pressure and heart rate normalized
again. All of this craziness was going on, I had
been unable to keep food or liquids down for days, and yet I continued to dry
heave – over and over and over again. The
severe nausea and intense contractions of my digestive system never
subsided and I was not feeling any relief - not even for a moment. It was as if my body was violently
trying to purge itself of something foreign.
What was going on? Little did we
know that this was only the beginning…
(To be continued in Part 3: http://tronworld.blogspot.com/2012/12/the-future-queen-and-i-what-kate-i-have_10.html )
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